Men's Fashion

I have to admit, the majority of the clothes that will be on here will probably be women's clothing. That's mostly because men's clothing is really hard to mess up. Sorry guys but, there just aren't as many options for you! Personally I'd take that as a blessing. So, in an attempt at equal rights, I'm going to try and find some men's fashion as well. So here is something I came across at Diesel's website; their 09 collection.

I just had to post this because... This was what I got after I had clicked the collection, and after I had clicked on the 'Men's' section. Yes men, you will look FABULOUS.
At first glance I thought this said 'Homeless-Service 00BXG'. I would feel sorry for any homeless person wearing this jacket. This goes so beyond Ultra Light Blue that I can't even begin to imagine wearing it... Ever. Not only does it look like those puffy jackets that only super anorexic (No, not regular anorexic, super) people can wear because of the puffy factor. To top it off they actually want YOU to pay THEM 300 dollars for this Nylon coat. Tsk tsk.
Okay, so sometimes, I find something that just seems really absurd, but not necessarily on an 'Oh my god I would never wear that' level. More of a 'Oh my god they're actually asking that much money for that really normal/plain looking thing?' level. And that's what this is. This jacket (which, zoomed in, IS actually made from leather. Ugh, it looks so icky) looks like it was ripped away from Edward Scissorhands' costume designer before s/he managed to put on the rest of the zippers and dye it black and make it shiny. They're randomly placed for no apparent reason- Hey, what a sexy forearm you've got there, mind if I take a peek? -ziiiiiiip-

To top it all off, they're actually charging 770 dollars for this thing. It looks like it was made out of plain hoodie material, random zipper factor, and absolute no creative design whatsoever... Fashion Fail, I say!

Ah, Kids. Our Future.

And yet we dress them like this. Okay, first off, thank you Megan for finding this picture for me. Secondly, if I ever had a child, I would SO dress him like this and take billions of pictures. Those pink shoes are worth at least a hundred bucks in blackmail cash. The Argyle socks are absolutely adorable, and it looks like he's wearing a pair of shorts underneath his other pair of shorts. Now, I can't see the front of the Big Bird Yellow sweater, but I would bet you it's Big Bird. Or something equally embarrassing. And the hat... Ah, what can I say about you, hat?

Edit: It has just been pointed out to me that one sock is striped and the other is argyle, they simply match in color. That is absolutely even more fantastic. Ten more points!

This little boy is the epitome of fashion so far on this blog, and I wish wish wish that more people would dress their kids like this. That way when they're making faces at me on the bus, I would at least be able to grin and bear it.

Clothes for the Colorblind

Okay. So I have nothing against people who are colorblind. I feel bad that they can't see colors and all that, and I'd hate to be colorblind myself. That being said, I think colorblind people should reconsider their attempts at design in general. Unless of course they're making clothes for other colorblind people, like these ones here.

Why look like you're wearing a fashionable dress that cost $158 when you COULD look like you put on a smock/oversized tank top and were attacked by a classroom of kindergardeners with fingerpaints?
Alright, they've upped their effort on this one. Instead of using all the colors, they're just using one. If it weren't for that weird orange piping at the bottom of this shirt, I would have looked right over it. But... Alas. That pumpkin red/orange... Hem? Should we call it a hem? it looks more like they forgot to hem it and patched it up with some colorful duct tape (it does come in that amazing, florescent color, by the way.) For a mere $128 dollars no less!
And for the colorblind who simply decide to play it safe and not use any color at all; the Bubble Miniskirt. At $178 dollars I have to ask myself, wouldn't a lampshade be cheaper? And, sadly, somewhat more fashionable than this... thing?

Three Part Post 3/3

Last one, and then I swear I'm done with BCBG Max Azria, at least until I see something ultimately lularious that I simply have to share with you. Okay, here goes.

Wow. Aside from it being 'Ultra Turqoise' and way, way too short... This dress wouldn't be atrocious. If it weren't for the fact that the sewing machine had snagged and they'd ended up with that weird triangle of fabric that they'd just decided to leave behind and not fix.
Oh, wait, no I see now. Ahh, I get it. They were going for that weird Toga/Towel look, that's why the entire thing is so wrinkly, and why it looks like she's suddenly sprouted a triangular growth out of her hip.
I've got to say, it's even MORE flattering from the backside, especially since you don't see that it's a 'super sophisticated designer dress' and it just looks like a really bit outturned pocket. I think Vera Wang taught us that pockets do NOT belong on dresses -cough-.
Okay, so for my final post part, I have to comment on this model. What the HEY? All of her poses look like she's part J-Lo and part Flamingo (hey, that rhymes!) or she just lost control of part of her body.  I can just hear the photographer now: "Okay, now, you're a seizure victim! But a sexy seizure victim! You've lost all control of your upper half! Okay, good, now, You're wonder woman- but you're also a flamingo! Fierce!"

I suppose it's a little bit mean but, honestly I do want to know what this woman is thinking when she's modeling. Then again she is a model so... No, I wont go there. 

Three Part Post 2/3

Again, these dresses/items of clothing/disasters are all designed by BCBG MAX AZRIA and I swear after this three part post is over I wont pick on him or her again... for a while, anyway. Let's begin!

I want to know who REALLY was the first person to put on a hefty bag and think 'Hey, heck yeah, this is -stylin-!'. Maybe this look is inspired by those unfortunate people who had no clothes after hurricane Katrina? (If you look, it even has the wrinkles and shine of a garbage bag. Wow, that's attention to detail!) I also enjoy the weird Xena Warrior Princess sandal/hooker shoes/ballet flats and movie starlet shades. Nice touch.
Deep regular blue and an ultra pink belt- Wait, I thought we were out of the 80's?! Have I been mislead? (And trust me, I WILL comment on this model's poses in the next post. I promise.)
Ah, now we're talking. The ULTRAmate outfit. Why wear a dress when you can wear a satin-y looking ultra green TOWEL dress, an ultra blue sports jacket along with your ultra pink purse? All shiny of course! Don't forget your completely out of place strappy black hooker shoes though.

Three Part Post 1/3

Alright. I started making this post, and then I realized that it would be so massive that... Well, it would be really really massive. And I'm trying to keep these short so I can make sure I have one for every day. What's better than daily lulz? So. This is the first post in a part of a series. I haven't names the series yet, but I just might come up with one by the third part. 

All of these clothes are by BCBG MAX AZRIA - So you know who to blame. I know I'm picking on them a lot, but the majority of their website is just so hilarious it makes me wonder who the hell is actually designing these clothes, and why anyone would ever pay so much for them. I know name brand is a really big deal these days, but that doesn't mean that people should forego common sense just to wear something that's by that brand. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned though. So, let's begin!
Again, with the 'Ultra Pink'. This shirt-bag is paired with a not-quite matching shade of Pepto Bismol skirt that looks like it was fashioned before I was born, along with a pair of hooker shoes. But, let's get a REAL look at this shirt-bag;
You know, I actually sort of prefer it this way. It says 'I have a figure, but YOU can't see it. Also, I do wear underwear.' Very classy. The shirtbag is actually a -part- of the underwear, so you have no option to freebird it, ladies. For a mere $198 dollars you too can be dressed in this %100 polyester disaster. I'd pay them $198 dollars just to burn it.
Like many girls, I too once participated in the painful, humiliating after school sport known as 'Gymnastics'. In gymnastics we were forced to wear these horrible, awful things called 'leotards'. Aptly name because wearing one of these leotards never failed to make me feel retarded and horribly embarrassed, so embarrassed that I couldn't so much as do a single thing on the balance beam or double bars, or even those twirly numbers on the floor looking like a spaz due to horrible shame. It makes me wonder why women would pay $98 dollars to wear a designer leotard, and even more, why would a designer even design a leotard? I thought being a designer was about... Well, designing new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. 

The Waffle Dress

So strange it deserves it's own post.

I have to admit I don't hate the color. Even the rest of the dress isn't... Well it isn't atrocious, at least. This is called the 'Plum Waffle Organza Pocket Dress', I kid you not, and it was designed by Vera Wang. It's retail value is an amazing $1,100. The fact that it's got Waffle in the name redeems it slightly, but man, those pockets... I guess on the bright side you could steal as many fancy h'orderves as you could fit in those massive things.