Men's Fashion

I have to admit, the majority of the clothes that will be on here will probably be women's clothing. That's mostly because men's clothing is really hard to mess up. Sorry guys but, there just aren't as many options for you! Personally I'd take that as a blessing. So, in an attempt at equal rights, I'm going to try and find some men's fashion as well. So here is something I came across at Diesel's website; their 09 collection.

I just had to post this because... This was what I got after I had clicked the collection, and after I had clicked on the 'Men's' section. Yes men, you will look FABULOUS.
At first glance I thought this said 'Homeless-Service 00BXG'. I would feel sorry for any homeless person wearing this jacket. This goes so beyond Ultra Light Blue that I can't even begin to imagine wearing it... Ever. Not only does it look like those puffy jackets that only super anorexic (No, not regular anorexic, super) people can wear because of the puffy factor. To top it off they actually want YOU to pay THEM 300 dollars for this Nylon coat. Tsk tsk.
Okay, so sometimes, I find something that just seems really absurd, but not necessarily on an 'Oh my god I would never wear that' level. More of a 'Oh my god they're actually asking that much money for that really normal/plain looking thing?' level. And that's what this is. This jacket (which, zoomed in, IS actually made from leather. Ugh, it looks so icky) looks like it was ripped away from Edward Scissorhands' costume designer before s/he managed to put on the rest of the zippers and dye it black and make it shiny. They're randomly placed for no apparent reason- Hey, what a sexy forearm you've got there, mind if I take a peek? -ziiiiiiip-

To top it all off, they're actually charging 770 dollars for this thing. It looks like it was made out of plain hoodie material, random zipper factor, and absolute no creative design whatsoever... Fashion Fail, I say!

Ah, Kids. Our Future.

And yet we dress them like this. Okay, first off, thank you Megan for finding this picture for me. Secondly, if I ever had a child, I would SO dress him like this and take billions of pictures. Those pink shoes are worth at least a hundred bucks in blackmail cash. The Argyle socks are absolutely adorable, and it looks like he's wearing a pair of shorts underneath his other pair of shorts. Now, I can't see the front of the Big Bird Yellow sweater, but I would bet you it's Big Bird. Or something equally embarrassing. And the hat... Ah, what can I say about you, hat?

Edit: It has just been pointed out to me that one sock is striped and the other is argyle, they simply match in color. That is absolutely even more fantastic. Ten more points!

This little boy is the epitome of fashion so far on this blog, and I wish wish wish that more people would dress their kids like this. That way when they're making faces at me on the bus, I would at least be able to grin and bear it.

Clothes for the Colorblind

Okay. So I have nothing against people who are colorblind. I feel bad that they can't see colors and all that, and I'd hate to be colorblind myself. That being said, I think colorblind people should reconsider their attempts at design in general. Unless of course they're making clothes for other colorblind people, like these ones here.

Why look like you're wearing a fashionable dress that cost $158 when you COULD look like you put on a smock/oversized tank top and were attacked by a classroom of kindergardeners with fingerpaints?
Alright, they've upped their effort on this one. Instead of using all the colors, they're just using one. If it weren't for that weird orange piping at the bottom of this shirt, I would have looked right over it. But... Alas. That pumpkin red/orange... Hem? Should we call it a hem? it looks more like they forgot to hem it and patched it up with some colorful duct tape (it does come in that amazing, florescent color, by the way.) For a mere $128 dollars no less!
And for the colorblind who simply decide to play it safe and not use any color at all; the Bubble Miniskirt. At $178 dollars I have to ask myself, wouldn't a lampshade be cheaper? And, sadly, somewhat more fashionable than this... thing?

Three Part Post 3/3

Last one, and then I swear I'm done with BCBG Max Azria, at least until I see something ultimately lularious that I simply have to share with you. Okay, here goes.

Wow. Aside from it being 'Ultra Turqoise' and way, way too short... This dress wouldn't be atrocious. If it weren't for the fact that the sewing machine had snagged and they'd ended up with that weird triangle of fabric that they'd just decided to leave behind and not fix.
Oh, wait, no I see now. Ahh, I get it. They were going for that weird Toga/Towel look, that's why the entire thing is so wrinkly, and why it looks like she's suddenly sprouted a triangular growth out of her hip.
I've got to say, it's even MORE flattering from the backside, especially since you don't see that it's a 'super sophisticated designer dress' and it just looks like a really bit outturned pocket. I think Vera Wang taught us that pockets do NOT belong on dresses -cough-.
Okay, so for my final post part, I have to comment on this model. What the HEY? All of her poses look like she's part J-Lo and part Flamingo (hey, that rhymes!) or she just lost control of part of her body.  I can just hear the photographer now: "Okay, now, you're a seizure victim! But a sexy seizure victim! You've lost all control of your upper half! Okay, good, now, You're wonder woman- but you're also a flamingo! Fierce!"

I suppose it's a little bit mean but, honestly I do want to know what this woman is thinking when she's modeling. Then again she is a model so... No, I wont go there. 

Three Part Post 2/3

Again, these dresses/items of clothing/disasters are all designed by BCBG MAX AZRIA and I swear after this three part post is over I wont pick on him or her again... for a while, anyway. Let's begin!

I want to know who REALLY was the first person to put on a hefty bag and think 'Hey, heck yeah, this is -stylin-!'. Maybe this look is inspired by those unfortunate people who had no clothes after hurricane Katrina? (If you look, it even has the wrinkles and shine of a garbage bag. Wow, that's attention to detail!) I also enjoy the weird Xena Warrior Princess sandal/hooker shoes/ballet flats and movie starlet shades. Nice touch.
Deep regular blue and an ultra pink belt- Wait, I thought we were out of the 80's?! Have I been mislead? (And trust me, I WILL comment on this model's poses in the next post. I promise.)
Ah, now we're talking. The ULTRAmate outfit. Why wear a dress when you can wear a satin-y looking ultra green TOWEL dress, an ultra blue sports jacket along with your ultra pink purse? All shiny of course! Don't forget your completely out of place strappy black hooker shoes though.

Three Part Post 1/3

Alright. I started making this post, and then I realized that it would be so massive that... Well, it would be really really massive. And I'm trying to keep these short so I can make sure I have one for every day. What's better than daily lulz? So. This is the first post in a part of a series. I haven't names the series yet, but I just might come up with one by the third part. 

All of these clothes are by BCBG MAX AZRIA - So you know who to blame. I know I'm picking on them a lot, but the majority of their website is just so hilarious it makes me wonder who the hell is actually designing these clothes, and why anyone would ever pay so much for them. I know name brand is a really big deal these days, but that doesn't mean that people should forego common sense just to wear something that's by that brand. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned though. So, let's begin!
Again, with the 'Ultra Pink'. This shirt-bag is paired with a not-quite matching shade of Pepto Bismol skirt that looks like it was fashioned before I was born, along with a pair of hooker shoes. But, let's get a REAL look at this shirt-bag;
You know, I actually sort of prefer it this way. It says 'I have a figure, but YOU can't see it. Also, I do wear underwear.' Very classy. The shirtbag is actually a -part- of the underwear, so you have no option to freebird it, ladies. For a mere $198 dollars you too can be dressed in this %100 polyester disaster. I'd pay them $198 dollars just to burn it.
Like many girls, I too once participated in the painful, humiliating after school sport known as 'Gymnastics'. In gymnastics we were forced to wear these horrible, awful things called 'leotards'. Aptly name because wearing one of these leotards never failed to make me feel retarded and horribly embarrassed, so embarrassed that I couldn't so much as do a single thing on the balance beam or double bars, or even those twirly numbers on the floor looking like a spaz due to horrible shame. It makes me wonder why women would pay $98 dollars to wear a designer leotard, and even more, why would a designer even design a leotard? I thought being a designer was about... Well, designing new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. 

The Waffle Dress

So strange it deserves it's own post.

I have to admit I don't hate the color. Even the rest of the dress isn't... Well it isn't atrocious, at least. This is called the 'Plum Waffle Organza Pocket Dress', I kid you not, and it was designed by Vera Wang. It's retail value is an amazing $1,100. The fact that it's got Waffle in the name redeems it slightly, but man, those pockets... I guess on the bright side you could steal as many fancy h'orderves as you could fit in those massive things. 

So Bad They Couldn't Get Models

I present to you dresses from A.B.S. I don't know what A.B.S is, I found these dresses on the designer clothing website Bluefly but nonetheless they need to be seen. Or maybe not.

So bad that they couldn't even find a model for it, this dress will ravage your eyes like a lion eating the zebra that died for this dress. No it's not actually made out of zebra I just wanted to say that. Nevertheless this dress sells for $210 (though it's on sale for $167.99). Personally I wouldn't wear it (in public) for anything short of 1k. Apparently the models have more integrity than I do.
I'm not entirely sure why there are so many 'Trash Bag' dresses out there (Yes, I have more that I will share in the future, so consider yourself warned.) This one however seems to say 'I'm not just a trash bag dress, I'm also shiny and I've got an animal print, all the things that no one in their right mind should ever wear!' It's $204 dollars but also on sale for $162.99. 
Speaking of shiny, this Schoolteacher-attacked-by-gang-of-hoodlums-with-metallic-silver-spraypaint-dress caught my eye and nearly blinded me. The design itself isn't bad. The fact that you'd be running around in what looks like something more suitable to being a space-parachute however... [$270]
I must admit, I'm lacking at something clever to say. I think the use of 'Ultra Pink' has once again stunned me and left me stupid. This more looks like fabric that everyone-save-my-grandmother would avoid at JoAnne Fabrics fashioned into a hastily made, poorly measured T-Shirt than any sort of designer dress. 

The Pants That Started it All

The moment a friend showed me these pants, I knew I had to make this blog. I hope you too can see why I felt the urge to share this 'Ultra Pink' monstrosity with you.

These are the 'Runway Cropped Harem-Pant' by BCBG MAXAZARIA, and they cost a whopping $283. Not only does the model look like she's about to take a dump in an airport bathroom and doesn't quite want to touch the seat, she's wearing... Those pants. Now, I understand that it can be hard to come up with something 'new' and 'exciting', especially in the arts/creative entertainment/fashion industry world where everything seems to have been done before. But I would really, highly suggest that people who are trying so hard to be new and exciting to never, ever use a rayon that is 'Ultra Pink'. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure in low doses ultra pink can be tolerable, but I'm worried about getting some kind of radiation poisoning if I look at this for too long.

This is the 'Herve Ledger High Waist Mini-Skirt' also at the BCBG MAXAZARIA website, for a hefty $600. That's right, you didn't read it wrong. It's just the mini skirt. The website suggests that you pair this 'distinctive, high-waisted skirt with a gorgeous blouse and sky high heels'. Apparently that means wrapping your upper half in tinfoil and holding it up with your hands. I don't know about you, but why, oh why, would anyone ever pay $600 for a skirt that's made mostly of rayon and is in no way new? It looks like something a Teacher or a Librarian would wear in an adult video. 

The Beginning

For anyone who cares to know, no, I am not a clothing designer. I don't spend hundreds of dollars on a single outfit, and I certainly don't spend all of my time shopping. That being said, as a person who is not blind, I have to look at some professional Fashion Designers and wonder what in the world they were thinking. Hopefully you can all find some enjoyment from my observations.